healing

so, I don't post enough. I haven't even updated since I shared I was pregnant.

well, now I'm sharing this...

So, my fears from yesterday did come true. Last night I went to the ER after rediculous amounts of bleeding, clots and early labor like contraction feeling cramps...and it was confirmed that I had a miscarriage. Thankfully I did not need a D&C, just had everything cleaned out, and in 2 days I'll have some bloodwork to confirm my HCG levels are dropping, and that there is nothing more serious going on.

I cried so much yesterday, realizing what was going on, that I just haven't been able to do much of that today, I'm probably in a bit shock as well. This was my 2nd pregnancy, the timing was perfect, the kids would be 2 years apart, God had provided for insurance bills, and of course, I told everyone I could about being pregnant. I love being pregnant. I was counting down the days til I could feel that first kick. But, I'll just have to wait until next time...

God has been dumping buckets of grace on me today. I'm trusting Him and His sovereignty - His timing, who knows how much more painful (physically and emotionally) this could have been a few weeks down the road, who knows what danger I was being protected from, and even the baby. I believe that all things work together for those who love Him - who have been called according to His purpose. And I know that at least one thing I exist is to be...is a Mom, of childREN! And I stand on that promise.

My friend wrote on facebook today (she didn't know my situation, but was encouraged to share this as a status)

Life, indeed, is not always fair. We may never understand the ways of God in a particular situation. Thankfully, we know His heart and His promise to work all things for good in the lives of those who love Him.

There is great peace in surrendering our understanding and trusting God. He will never let us down.

I also read this article written a few months ago by my mother-in-law and it really encouraged me today. If you're going through any difficult situation, or felt just disappointed lately, I suggest you click here and read it! (Even if you're doing okay - read it for the future!)

So as a part of my healing process...here goes...

To my little one: I carried you for 11 weeks, and what a blessed and special time it was. You are so loved by your father, sister and I...what an impression you made on us in such a short time - you must be very special. I don't know why you had to leave so soon, but the heavenly home where you now live, is better than anything I could have given you. I'm excited for you to meet my daddy. You'll be the first grandchild he's held. Have fun running and playing and spending time with Jesus. It's amazing to think that I not only have heaven to look forward to, but there will be a day when you will run into my arms. I love you, little one. I always will... Mama

Thank you, Ladies for your encourage, prayers, and support. I pray a healthy pregnancy for the rest of you! And remember,

"...Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; They will run and not grow weary, They will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:27-31 (NIV)

Oh Boy, oh Boy...or Girl

That's right folks...Baby Kollar #2 is on his/her way! Estimated Day of Delivery : Sept 20, 2011!

Nate and I found out on Tuesday, thanks to an at-home preggo test. I'm in my 6th week (baby is still tiny and fragile so pray he/she stays sticky!)...

We told close friends and family via skype/phone calls/texts the next couple days...and no one was really surprised. Oh, well :)

I still haven't made it Facebook Official, but there's something different about Baby #2 and not feeling like the world has to know right away. It's been somewhat refreshing to feel ok that everyone doesn't need to know...at least not right now. Watch, I'll post something by Monday, haha :)

Wanted to add a cute little pregnancy ticker, too

So, names? Well I still have Jett Livingston as my favorite boy name.

...I go back and forth with the girls.

Nessa Laine

or Kensington Jane (not so sure on the middle name...)

Kenzie was my nickname in highschool (McKenzie was my maiden name) and I wanted to bring it back with out using it fully.

So we'll see...

Anyway, so so SOOOOO excited.

God is way too good!