Today we celebrate a life; a life that did not see the light of day nor take its first breath, but will still have an everlasting impact on our heart and family forever. This little life had hands and feet emerging from developing arms and legs and there was already color in his/her eyes that would change from slate blue to probably brown like Nathan's …he seems to be pretty good at passing that gene down to our children.
Sadly, yesterday, as we desired to see a little heartbeat, a tiny flicker of hope on the black and white screen of the ultrasound monitor, there was nothing. No flutter, just the outline of a tiny, little body, lying peacefully in what would be his/her only home while on this earth. The doctor confirmed we had a miscarriage. Our fourth child, our second loss…and that doesn't make it any easier.
Yet…
We are so grateful for the hope of heaven. For the promise that one day, there will be no more sorrows, no more tears, no more unmet expectations, no more misunderstandings or what ifs. Everything will be fulfilled…our hopes and dreams, our deepest needs. We will understand why; we will see God's plan for His greater purpose. We will understand His lofty ways. And we truly believe we will be reunited with the ones we love, the ones we lost, those who were gone too soon, those "precious in his sight." We believe when we enter Heaven, we'll receive our reward - included in that will be our little angels, our two beautiful, healthy children, running into our arms and meeting us for the first time in the indescribable glory of God.
It is this hope that we cling to. It is the underserving grace that God pours over us which allows us to see the beauty through the pain and for that we are so thankful. We lean into his strength which is made perfect in our weakness.We hold tight to the promise that He. is. good. His mercy is unending. He is the God of all comfort. Through this our faith will not be shaken, but strengthened. Though a terrible situation, the Lord will use all of it for our good. Of course we will mourn. We will question. We will be angry. But God is big enough to handle that, our emotions and our very limited understanding. We find shelter in the shadow of His mighty hand. He is moved to compassion by our tears. We believe that those who sow with tears will reap in joy. Though sorrow may last through this night joy will come in the morning. That He is before all things and in Him all things are held together. And we rejoice that He is the one who is holding us now.
Thank you everyone for your prayers, words of encouragement and love during this difficult time. It means the world to us. So now we hope in the Lord, knowing he will renew our strength. We will soar on wings like eagles; we will run and not grow weary. We will walk and not be faint.
-Jessica & Nathan
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